The Joy of My Salvation

First, a story.

My mom has been battling cancer off and on for the past nine years. She has mostly cared for herself during that time, like she always has. But since I have been in college, I took on the role of her caregiver and took over paying our bills and doing our grocery shopping. And the Lord has always provided.

My mom is special to me, so I always pick her and want her to celebrate with me, even though I know sometimes she can’t.

Last night was such an occasion. She didn’t feel up to going out. So I turned to my friends.

Within a span of twenty-four hours from Friday night until Saturday night I made countless phone calls. Phone call after phone call after phone call. The old Jami would made about six or seven phone calls and called it quits.

But I fought harder because I know the truth. And with less than an hour to spare, I found someone. God is always on time.

It wasn’t just that I was being recognized at a fancy event as a scholarship recipient. For that, I could go alone.

The joy of my salvation tonight is the truth that I am worth being celebrated.

I have come a long ways in the past five years to be able to stand before you and say those words. With God’s help and the help of those around me, I have been transformed by renewing what I think about myself.

Five years ago, I would have told you I was only worth celebrating if I placed first. – which never happened – or even second, or third, or 34th. Up until a couple of years ago, I would have told you I was only worth celebrating if I got first chair.

The trouble with operating under that mentality, is I was never going to be celebrated – because so much of the time I came in last. Dead last. Cross country race after track meet after audition after audition after audition. It didn’t matter so much if I was next to last either. I still saw myself as someone who did a lot of things, but was never any good at any of them. So that made me even more worthless. To me, I could never live up to anyone’s expectations – even though at the time I was only trying to live up to mine – and I became broken under the weight of my life circumstances.

I carried my survival method of being too involved in everything from high school into college. I believe, just so I wouldn’t have to really slow down and pay much attention to my life filled with tragedy and struggle. But injury to my body and my self esteem force me to give up everything little by little. And I eventually slowed down enough to listen.

I am worth being celebrated because I am loved. I am worth being celebrated because I am alive. I am worth being celebrated because I am holy. I am worth being celebrated because I am free. I am worth being celebrated because I am cared for.

This fall, I won’t be involved in much of anything by responsibility’s hand. I’m not a treasurer or a clarinet player or a cross country runner. I will just be me for once. And it’s scary not putting my identity in anything.

But I am worth being celebrated, despite what I do or don’t do.

Let me say that again.

I am worth celebrating, not because of what I do, and not because of what I don’t do.

What I do and don’t do can be applied to sin or accomplishment alike.

For me, I am worth being celebrated now even though I won’t be graduating until December.

I am worth being celebrated despite what I do and despite what I don’t do because God delights in me.

The LORD my God is with me,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in me,
He will quiet me with his love,
He will rejoice over me with singing

I am worth being celebrated because God delights in me despite of what I do or don’t do.

Are you worth being celebrated?